grey sludge

winter maybe.

you know, im up for the challenge but sometimes i just want it to be easier for just a day. just when I think its going to be okay, that we have it worked out, we dont. smooth sailing is constantly under threat by some bumpy shit. the two realities live paral....
i cant even write what i feel eloquently. im tired and fighting off a cold. im trying to balance 2 jobs and a baby. im trying to be understanding of those i love. trying to be a wife and partner rooted in love as we get through this together. i dont even know what this is sometimes. I know i wnat to sleep but i have work to do. I know I want to clean the house and have calls to make and bloging is probably taking up valuable time but want to purge it and be happy in my status quo, like i ususally am. i feel like a schmo for feeling any of this when it could be far worse. i have a great life and im happy in it but some days, its really tough. i think that if i take a nap right now Ill feel worse when I get up for bot getting anything done. cant i just look at facebook photos and smoke and read a book and take a nap and when she gets up ill feel renewed and connected because I relaxed? nope. wtf.